Connecticut Cutie

Ashley, Miss March

We can all agree that 2013 hasn't gotten out to a strong start as far as Playmates are concerned. While the web-based Playboy Plus is exploring new frontiers with edgier photography and taking things to the next level in terms of creativity, the flagship line of Playmates is mysteriously and grossly lagging behind. Karina Marie was as bland and undeserving as they get, and Shawn Dillon was the victim of horrible editing and execution. Where would Hef find the next star to save this franchise?

As luck would have it, the Playboy Plus pipeline is rife with talent. A lot of it is entirely too synthetic (Casey Connelly) or a bit untouched (Jessica Workman) to make the leap to the PM ranks. But then again, a risk is exactly what PB needs right now. What Hef did was exactly that - but the results are a little mixed.

Miss March is Ashley Doris, a model who was more or less nonexistent in the Playboy universe just two months ago. Ashley hit the scene in PB Plus as an "Amateur"in late January, with a very respectable pictorial in a black bodysuit. Her hypnotic beauty aptly titled her feature set, and she had more than the right amount of polish to look like she could jump to the Playmate ranks. Still, it needed Hugh Hefner's seal of approval, and with it, he quickly led what is one of the sharpest rises to PM stardom that anyone has taken in years. From Amateur to Playmate in sixty seconds.

Ashley's
stunning silhouette

Just because Ashley took the short way in doesn't diminish her merits. She's a fine choice for Playmate, and one of the most natural choices in months. I would look back to compare her to Alana Campos of last year, who just had Playmate written all over her in the sense that Ashley does in her appearance. She's smooth and non-robotic, with all the charm in the world and a hint of sexuality that really lets her fit the bill.

Ashley is wildly photogenic and simply a pleasure. Her outstanding, penetratingly deep eyes are a wonder, and her incredible golden skin glistens against a mostly white backdrop chosen for her in this pictorial. She moves through the photos with cautious ease, a glance here, a glance there to assert herself in the Playmate world. She has the talent to do it, obviously. Ashley's body, while never the centerpiece, is very fun. It's smooth and natural, with perfectly proportioned breasts and excellent lines.

The pictorial is again the weak spot here, but obviously not so much as with last month. It suits her style well, being a semi-active model with the ability to contort and produce some great silhouettes. The choice for a white backdrop was awesome, as it complements and brings out her tanned features. Still, it really lacks the punch and sizzle that the rest of the Playboy world is taking on, and that's the game we're playing right now.

• Face: A-
  Ashley's eyes are the focus here, with the bright whites shining in every single photo. The deep look that she gives you is unforgettable, and really sets the stage for the rest of the pictorial. The photographers take great advantage of her face, but it's also a bit inconsistent in her pictures, sometimes strangely angled or awkwardly placed.
• Body: A-
  Ashley's physique is nearly perfect, the only gripe is that it's just not very memorable. Still, her smooth body lines and sleek curvature is a thing to appreciate. Her hazelnut skin is adorable, and she's all-natural, which is entirely apparent in every photo. While she lacks the height and balance to tie it all together, there's do doubting that this is one tight and sexy little package.
• Talent: A
  Miss Doris just nails it in so many ways, it's hard not to give her an A for effort and all of the riches that come with it. She's just an all around good poser, with a great passive look that is absolutely adorable and sensual all at the same time; and she's also able to put on a show with some good physical posing, arching her back and giving it her all. Obviously she doesn't have to try too hard with looks to kill, but she has a strong understanding of her pros and cons, which makes her great.
• Pictorial: A-
  The pictorial is sort of one-dimensional, and never really gets into a great rhythm to show off Ashley's breadth of skill, but it does the job far better than most. The bar has certainly been raised in this decade, with Playboy Plus exhibiting some seriously sexual posing, but Playmates have been left behind with some tame displays. While you have to credit Ashley for her unabashed display of her labia (unlike most), you have to wish for something more at this point. Still, a solid effort with brilliant color balance.
• Centerfold: A
  I like this shot very much, mostly for its completeness. It does a fantastic job of capturing everything that Ashley is great at, from the contrast in her lovely skin tone, to her excellent posing lines. Although it's tame like everything else, you have to expect that. She looks like a glowing goddess here. Easily the best centerfold since Amanda Cerny in 2011.
• Overall: A-
  Ashley is just an all around great model, period. As the first and only Playmate from Connecticut,  she's probably one of the most well-rounded models in some time, with her face, body, and talent all contributing equal parts to her success. While she won't "wow" by any means, and we're still finding that model to be the real frontrunner for the 2013 class, it's still early, and Ashley is that person right now. She might not win any superlative awards by year's end, but she's still cemented herself as a real contender for PMOY. I hope she continues releasing extras in the future, so that we can get a more tangible feel for what she's all about. I feel like we've got something real special here.

A New Low

Shawn, Miss February

 Is it really too much to ask for Playboy to return to its glorious past? I'm not even referring to the 1980's and 1990's, when the magazine churned out spectacular and superior women as Playmates who were truly iconic. I'm not looking for even that kind of standard anymore - we've gone too far down the rabbit hole for that. I'm just talking about some quality women like we saw 3 or 4 years back, in the mid-2000's. Women who are hand-picked for their talent, then placed into a pictorial setting where they can jog our imaginations.

The truth is, a good Playmate candidate doesn't need much work. Put them in an intimate setting with a little costuming, and let them go about their magic. All the greats have that talent, as anyone on my Hall of Fame list would show. It's just natural.

In 2012 and now starting off 2013, there's a disturbing trend. Where is my beloved magazine with its talented and unique women? These are cookie cutter girls that have been crowded with setpieces and gimmicks that constrict their true nature, and cloud the real subject matter here.

To exacerbate the problem and prove my point, take a look at Shawn Dillon, Miss February 2013. This spunky 26-year old is someone that I really banked on, someone who I'd set my hopes on ever since I laid my eyes on some of her awesome lingerie and modeling shots. Shawn is innately a gorgeous girl, with probably one of the most appealing faces we've seen since Laura Croft. She's very youthful and genuine, and although she seems to have always lacked the posing talent, she's still wonderfully great to watch.

Until Playboy got ahold of her, that is. So my utter dismay, Playboy took one of the most promising Playmates in months, a potential star in the early running for PMOY, and destroyed her. They took a perfectly fine model and stuck her in one of the worst pictorials I've ever seen a Playmate in.

Where do I start with this thing? It's just a disaster. Shawn has so much color and life, and they sucked everything out of her in this putrid display. Instead, she looks pale, her hair frazzled and unbecoming. She looks constantly strained and out of place in the maritime setting, struggling to find a single ounce of spice or flash. She's shot in awkward sitting positions, which never captures the great shapeliness of Miss Dillon's body, ignoring the fact that she has a wonderfully plump ass.

Can you find the vaguely naked
woman in this photo?

That's just the start. What about the plethora of uncropped and unfinished photos of Shawn fishing from afar, without a single hint of nudity or even a close look at the model at all? There's a row of 23 shots in this pictorial that are virtually IDENTICAL! It's almost as if the editors over at Playboy are just playing a game with us here, thinking that their readers and fans are just a group of fools. The introduction of rookie photographer Tony Kelly might have something to do with it, but no Playboy point man should be this out of touch.

Through all the horrifying shortcomings of the pictorial, you never are able to get a feel for how great Shawn is, and that's the travesty here. If this was a passive, boring woman like Lisa Seiffert of last year, it would be mildly passable. But this was a model with loads of potential, with supple skin and a great energy about her that could have been something very special. What a shame.

• Face: A
  The photographers almost try every dopey move to try to obscure or downplay Shawn's beautiful face in this pictorial, but I still won't knock the fact that she is one lovely model, and this is her greatest strength. Take a clean look at her pearly smile and those inevitable eyes, and you won't doubt this woman for a minute.
• Body: A-
  Finally, we get a Playmate with the physical tools: a centerpiece of a face, a balanced and slim body, and we get stuck with a subpar performance. There's still no denying that Shawn does possess those tools, most notably her absolutely lovely butt. There's not much definition or curvature to her backside, but her buttocks protrude in a nice bubble, which is never captured to the extent that it needs to be. This should be an obvious focal point in her photo set.
• Talent: B
  Shawn deserves another shot to prove herself, because there should be more to her than this. When you go back and look at her previous modeling work, though, it's easy to see that she's a bit thin on moves. She never gets into any rhythm with her PM pictorial, jet skiing and fishing and doing anything but actually posing for the camera.
• Pictorial: C-
  I think I've said enough about this photo set entry of Shawn's, and how unfortunate it's been. I can safely say that it is one of the worst pictorials I've seen in years, possibly the worst in decades. This kind of output is totally unacceptable, and I hope newcomer Tony Kelly and the rest of the crew step things up, and fast.
• Centerfold: C
  The centerfold falls into the same vein as the rest of the photo set, with Shawn standing in a beach setting with an obscured body and absolutely no attention to detail. 
• Overall: B
  The miserable pictorial set of Miss Dillon drags her down from a possible A-caliber Playmate to a mid-grade model. This is just not fair to Shawn or her fans, and hopefully her Playmate exclusives performance does her some justice and brings her back in time for the Playmate ranking. For Shawn, I might make an exception in my year-end ranking and boost her rating if I see a better pictorial, because she just didn't perform on a level playing field. She's a model with loads of potential who just got a raw deal.

One Bland Blonde

Karina, Miss January

We had a pretty good 2012 class. Top to bottom, there was some good depth of talent, apparently some of the best we had in years. But as I've said before, there was never a defining knockout Playmate, who truly reshaped and redefined the direction of Playboy as a brand.

We haven't had a woman like that in forever. It feels like the last truly impactful models were Katie Vernola and Hall of Famer Amy Leigh Andrews back in 2010. Since then, we've had a collection of retreads, and even the greats (Toth, Horton, Chesnes) never could break through to that iconic status. So, we hope for lucky number 2013 to bring us that really special girl that tickles our fancy and drops our jaws.

Unfortunately, we'll need to wait another month. Miss January is Karina Marie, who kicks things off in a very underwhelming fashion. It's actually quite astounding how vanilla this Playmate is. It's not even easy to call Karina a "safe" choice, as she's way beyond that. This is a downright boring, uninteresting, and untalented Playmate who's taking up a spot where others may be far more deserving.

Karina's sneering, unattractive, and squinty gaze is never the attention grabber that we expect in Playmates nowadays. She sits in most of her photos, passive and expressionless, with little to offer in terms of true visual stimulation. The most we get out of her in the way of 'posing' is a slight flutter of the hair, a little forced grin, and a little budge of the nondescript features of her body to show that she's actually active.

When it comes to physical qualities, Karina suffers just as much. Her body is as bland and pointless as her posing, lacking any true contour or character at all. Her pale skin and overly slim build just doesn't look good in the camera's scrutinizing gaze, and her genitals are completely missing from view.

• Face: C+
  I guarantee that I won't be able to recall Karina's face a few months into 2013, without a doubt. Her angular face and lack of any character comes with nary a single smile. There's nothing but a dismal and unrecognizable sneer all over.
• Body: B-
  Easily one of the worst Playmate bodies we've seen in a few years, Karina leaves a ton to be desired. Her tall frame is far underweight, leading to a rippling and slim body with absolutely no curvature to offer any semblance of a silhouette. She has not a single defining feature, and then some, and her underexposed pictorial set doesn't help at all.
• Talent: B-
  Karina is a lifeless and tiresome girl without a single glimmer of talent throughout her photo set. She barely moves an inch, and each position does nothing to make up for her ultimately uninspiring body.
• Pictorial: C+
  There's just nothing here. It's ok to an extent that Karina is a dismally boring model, but to make matters worse, there's nothing sexually charged about these photos at all. It's just a model who happens to be naked, who lacks all balance whatsoever.
• Centerfold: B-
  A thoughtless, lame centerfold is just too fitting for Karina.
• Overall: C+
  You can tell that I just didn't enjoy Karina, as I felt she had no business being a Playmate. Sadly, it's a position that's seen better days, and the best classes of Playmates are far behind us. With women like Karina, it only feels like those great days are that much farther away, and that they'll never return again. She is an entirely uninspired choice by the editors, with no talent or physical strengths at all. The most you can say about her is that she's all-natural, but then again, so are most women. A forgettable Playmate to start off what will hopefully be an unforgettable year.

Then again, even the best classes didn't always start off with the best Miss Januaries. How about Shawn Dillon, the petite hottie that's tabbed for Miss February? Hopefully things are pointing up!